Grow me in the darkness

Revelation 21:3-4 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. 4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Dear God,

I am reluctant to admit it, but I have known my share of pain, grief, and suffering.  When I read the accounts of early church fathers, saints, and martyrs for their faith, my suffering seems miniscule in comparison, but it is, nevertheless, excruciatingly real to me.  

Your omniscient observation, Your ever-seeing eye never misses a thing.  Jesus said that Triune God knows me so intimately that You number the hair on my head!  You know my experiences, my feelings, my sins, my joys, my sorrows, and Your perfect judgment of my heart's condition.  I need that today.  

I have episodes of darkness in which I plod forward.  Life in the shadows of darkness includes Satanic attacks of fear, doubt, and hopelessness.  I suppose everyone grapples with these dark muses from time to time, and some more than others, but I find myself loathing these seasons.  It seems that Your Presence, or at least my inability to discern You is muted in the darkness. 

I need You to come alongside me and make Yourself known.  Be my Light in the darkness.  Walk with me in the shadows.  Whisper to me in prayer.  Teach me through Your Word.  Cleanse me through Your Son's blood.  Empower me through Your Holy Spirit.  Humble me.  Exalt me.  Instill me with confidence in You. Grow me in the darkness. Make Your Presence real and known to me.  

Although, my sense of Your Presence is real, it seems fleeting.  Moments of intimacy are followed by seasons of walking doggedly with heavy steps.  I long not for emotional euphoria, but for sustained intimacy with You.

"God is to make His tabernacle with men for ever and ever... Life in heaven will be nothing other than life permanently in the presence of God...  The highest promise of all is intimate fellowship with God, in which we can say: 'I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine' (SS 6:3)." (William Barclay in The Revelation of John, vol. 2, 1959, p. 259-260).

But I need You now!  I am waiting in Your Presence, not to manipulate You, but to experience You. Grace me with Yourself amidst my tears.  Come alongside me with Your comforting step. Nudge my direction, my attitudes, my words, my silence.

I am Yours.  You are mine.  I love You.  Walk with me.  Cast Your Light across my path.  Be real to me today.  Be near.  My hope is in You.

Amen.